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Point: If Terminator 3 was a superhero it would be called The Dazzler whose superpower would be razzamatazz (and a bunch ton of it)

Since I tend not to respect people that cuss, I’ve decided not to acknowledge Terminator Salvation as an actual entry in the series due to Mr. Bale’s behind the scenes antics as that shit was fucking inappropriate. Even without that qualifier, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines is the best movie in the franchise. Heck, it might be one of the best action movies of all time. The original Terminator was a solid movie that proved that at least at one point Linda Hamilton was a woman with womanly charms. She even owned a dress. But then she started help making pipe bombs and it all kind of went downhill from there. By T2 she was in such raucous dude form she may as well have been wearing black high tops and a pair of Farve endorsed Wranglers while escaping from the Pescadaro State Hospital. That’s actually where they got the T-1000’s name from. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being very much a guy, Sarah Conner in T2 was definitely 1000. Not to mention the sequel delivered two plus hours of a now existing John Connor being a whiny effeminate bitch. At this point the studio knew if they wanted to salvage the brand they would have to get rid of James Cameron since he clearly didn’t know how to make sequels. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines is awesome for the following reasons:

• No Sarah Connor. By this point she would just be a postoperative named Steve Connor anyway.
• John Connor finally manned up. He has a contemporary guy’s haircut, drinks beer, and then even litters the bottle. It doesn’t get much manlier than that, sans for his mom in T2.
• After an approximately 250 combined minutes of the first two installments completely devoid of a single cast member of My So Called Life, the franchise finally lands its prize in a big, big. I don’t even mean that pretty boy Jordan Catalano who can’t even read (be sure to check out this clip, it’s vintage Terminator), I’m talking Angela Chase herself, Claire Danes, taking on the wonderful role of Kate Brewster.
• The TX, a very non-menacing, petite, lady Terminator was a nice change of pace from the relentless and terrifying T-800 and T-1000. Even though she literally made it her mission to kill Kate and John, you couldn’t help but think she could be easily veered of course with some shopping. This helped to lighten the mood a bit, along with the talk-to-the-hand jokes.

Cody

Counterpoint: The razzamatazz superpower would be super-lame, just like Terminator 3

If I were ever exiled to a deserted island but given the chance to take some DVDs with me to pass the time between conversing with a volleyball and being chased around the forest by a mysterious smoke monster, the original two Terminator movies would definitely be on the list. I can’t avoid watching if I happen to catch them on TV, and I once spent a lazy afternoon in college watching T2 over and over again with my roommates. Sure, we could have picked a different DVD off the shelf after the first viewing, but what could possibly top T2? Needless to say, I was a pretty hardcore Terminator fan in the summer of 2003 and was tentatively excited for the prospect of a new movie. My expectations were low, but I had hoped that Jonathan Mostow could recapture some of James Cameron’s magic and make at least a halfway decent film. Imagine my surprise and disappointment when I discovered that he had turned the Terminator franchise into a comedy.

Well, perhaps not an out an out comedy, but the so-called mood lightening moments that Cody mentioned as positives were complete negatives in my book. T2 had some jokes, but they fit within the story. Calling the T-800 “Uncle Bob” was funny, but worked since the characters were at an underground munitions depot where the gun runners knew the value of not knowing real names. The classic “Hasta la vista” line was also somewhat of a joke, but fits since John Connor was trying to teach Arnold how to be human. T3’s jokes felt completely out of place.   Having an unstoppable killing machine wear Elton John sunglasses and say “Talk to the hand” might be fine in an ill-conceived Wayans Brothers parody, but that was hardly the gritty dystopian atmosphere I expect in my Terminator movies.

T3 abandoned almost everything else that made the first two films great, except for Arnold and Earl Boen. Edward Furlong wasn’t asked to return due to his substance abuse problems. John Connor was pretty much a homeless junkie in T3 anyway, so a coked-up Furlong would have brought some believability to the role. I won’t even get into the movie’s problem inability to do basic math.

Really, the main problem with T3 is its overall tone and feel. James Cameron had injected a cold, metallic vibe into the originals through the use of a blue tinged filter on almost every scene and an ominous and menacing electronic score by Brad Fiedel. Fiedel’s iconic Terminator theme was replaced in T3 by a generic orchestral soundtrack, and the main theme doesn’t show up at all until the end credits. The terminators just don’t seem as menacing without relentless metallic music backing them up. Might as well have them fighting it out to the classic sounds of Mr. Roboto by Styx. That might have actually been enjoyable.

Terminator Salvation was hardly a great movie, but at least it was an attempt to return the franchise to its darker harder-edged glory days. Perhaps hiring a guy named McG to captain the return to seriousness wasn’t the best move, but at least he gave it a shot. Really, they should just wrap up the series once and for all, preferably with a live action version of this.

Sloomie