hot girls don't typo

Guido At The Bar Review

Dear Guido,

So I’m sitting outside at the bar on Monday after work enjoying the beautiful weather, good company, and some icy cold alcohols. It was the epitome of a perfectly relaxing afternoon, the type you don’t routinely expect offered up by the first day of the work week. Just as I started embracing the concept of surprise with open arms, I failed spectacularly to realize there were both good surprises and bad surprises. Guido, from out of nowhere like a Phoenix rising out from the depths of Jersey, you appeared. Beer in hand, you immediately sauntered over to the picnic table with the two perfectly lovely, young ladies enjoying the end to their work day and you started illustrating your game.

Now, the only other Phoenix I know of is Jean Grey’s alter ego from X-Men. As a superhero/antihero whatever, her powers kind of suck as they seemingly only consist of looking at you intensely. I suppose that’s cool, but I don’t know if that operates as a qualifier for getting hired on as a X-Man. I’m just saying you don’t see Wolverine fighting alongside chi-mos and other unsavory characters with pencil-thin moustaches. You as well have the intense staring down to an art form as the skills you were displaying led me to believe that the young ladies were against mutants or something.

Guido, you’re such a legend. You don’t just possess skills, filthy skills, at knowing how girls like getting looked at - you sir have a Brooklyn gift when it comes to talking to them as well. You didn’t treat them as if they were pieces of gobbagool - you acknowledged them as individuals… individuals that wanted to discuss the weather. At this point your level of game surpassed Tecmo Bowl plus Kobe Bryant multiplied by (90’s model) Ken Griffey, Jr.

You win at ladies with your eyes. You win at ladies with your mouth. Guido, what happened next shocked me into typing the following for the first time ever: You win at ladies with your turning. That’s right. Don’t think for a second the entire bar patio didn’t notice your little number when you turned to the side and flexed. I want to make it abundantly clear here and now that my camera phone sucks. If there’s so much as a faint flicker of motion the picture will come out blurry like a terrible Japanese horror movie. Now with that in mind, I would like you to take a close look at the steadiness of your flexed left arm in the photograph. Crisp. Sharp. Guido.

A New Fan of Guido Watching

Final Score: 1/5 Aaron Pierces (or entirely 5/5 Aaron Pierces, this could go either way)